Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Random Questions

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Ini bisa jadi efek JJF yang membuat gue melek dan produktif sepagi ini. Kebetulan beberapa jam lalu gue iseng nodong random question ke teman-teman. Ini sebagian dari mereka.

How would you picture your future? - Yusi, Goverment Staff
Tough question. Back then, when im in high school, i wrote this short story picturing me in the future. Im 25 yo, live on my own flat. Taking care of my little sister.Bizzare at that story, my job is an editor for some magazine. You can say now im living that short story. Including a twisted love life i wrote in another story. Hell, if i can make my stories came true, i'd wrote one with happy ending. But no, in all story im a though girl fighting life alone with non-existence love ending.
Right now, im too busy working to working on one shortest story. But this is how i picture future. Im gonna wake up every day as a happy person. Nothing to regret about yesterday because i'll always seize the day.

How you describe sky? - Weni, Hijabagus Owner
Lovely question. Sky is blue. Sky is free. Sky is comforting. Sky is one of little thing that connect me with the one i love the most. Sky is a salvation whenever i think i cant hold one more day in earth. Sky is the first thing i take with my camera wherever i go, from the wood, hills, beach, city, anywhere. Sky is my favorite place to be at.

How do you live with the thought of fighting yourself? - Zaky, Flamboyan Photographer
Tricky. I should say it's quite troublesome. Still, actually i never in fight with myself, not like Smeagol or Dr Jeklyn and Hyde. It's the reality i cant be peace with. Somehow, it manages to against me!

What do you feel about friendship? - Nissa, Writer
I like how you use the word feel instead of think. Because human alwasy think and forget to feel. Friendship, i praise them. Im pretty dare to say im a good friend. I can make everytime you spending with me is worthy and full of fun plus insight. I put people first a lot. But then, there's a time i couldnt see myself fit in any friendship circle. Not with my travelmates, my collegemates, my workmates, nowhere. I praise friendship, that's why i never kept toxic friends around.

Why on earth you would be friend with me? - Uni, Newbie Catwoman
At first time, because you are Donna's friend, while she's my friend. So we often get along, and have some stuff Donna couldnt understand. That's how we spend sometime together. And why i keep you as my friend for this one decade? Because i praise friendship. Please dont hurt me, i prefer to lose a lover than a friend.

When was your lowest point in life? - Starin, Bride-soon-to-be
It was on 2007-2008. I broke up with a guy for no reason. Damn it hurts like a hell. I became so skinny and sad on the surface. While inside im dying. I barely ate, barely slept, only think about 'what if'. I broke up, lose my scholarship, quit my job, one at the time. So basicaly im broke in wallet and broken in heart. That's not enough, my cellphone was gone too. And i didnt graduate on time. I gave my heart to a guy and he manages to destroy my life. I never be the same ever since. It makes me now.

What's love for you? - Opit, Jokowi's sidekick
Im not sure i have an answer for this question. I havent had experience love before. Things about love, i believe it's some kind of energy.It cant be destroy, it just transform into another kind of feeling.

What's your biggest fear in life? - Rizky, Undercover Novelist
Life it is. Life is hard, and i constantly have suicidal thought. Still, Im alive.

If you're allowed to kill one person, who it would be? - still Rizky the Undercover Novelist
Myself?

If you are a celebrity, who are you would be? - Neno, Social Media Talker
Kurt Cobain.

Got anything you want me to answer? Drop it on the comment box below.

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