Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

lluvia #25

'you can love me, you know.'
'no, i wont.'
'still in love with him?'
'it's not in love. but, yes. the love stay. You might should leave me.'

Dear sir, i found this boy, he's crazy about me. He have nothing but want to give me everything. His heart, is all mine.

No, dont tell me to run to him. Even if im not fall over heels to you, i got nothing for this boy.

But sir, i see me in his eyes. How i longing for you. How i give my all to you. Yes, you take me for granted. Like i to him.

He ask me to love him. I dont have any since its all yours.

It was rain when he tried to reach my hand. It was you i have in mind when i sat beside him.

Sir, im afraid im okay with you not around. Sir, have i crossed on your mind?

I wish for a rainy day. It's always rain whenever i am sad. You can guess it, im no longer sad over you.

Sir, i'll treasure us.

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