Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

lluvia #9

Hari ini, hati gadis itu terluka lagi. Ah, bukan. Lukanya membuka lagi. Karena ia menaruh hati di tangan lelaki itu. Membiarkan kebahagiaannya tertoreh dengan ijin si lelaki.

Ada seorang pemuda, yang lama telah menatap kepada gadis itu. Pemuda yang kembali ditemuinya setelah berbilang tahun. Namun si gadis tidak memiliki hati untuk diserahkan pada si pemuda.

Sementara lelaki itu, mungkin, menatap penuh rasa geli, kenapa gadis ini tak tau waktu untuk berhenti? Lupakah ia bahwa hujan akan membuatnya sakit hingga nyaris mati?

Hari ini senyuman tersembunyi dari bibir si gadis. Hatinya sedih, pilu bagai tersayat sembilu. Tak ada lagi bayangan sang lelaki tiap ia memejamkan mata.

Hujan telah berhenti. Menyisakan suram dan tanah berlumpur. Si gadis belum lagi sadar, hatinya tak mampu berlari, walau sang lelaki telah lama pergi.

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